From my heart…

Mad.
Because its not fair.
Hurt.
Because the scars haven't healed.
Disappointed.
Because I lost.
Alone.
Because it's impossible for anyone to truly understand.
Appalled.
Because I had the biggest dreams.
Furious.
Because its not supposed to be like this.
Afraid.
Because there are no answers.
Confused.
Because everything is misleading.
Helpless.
Because nothing is in my control.
Exhausted.
Because no one should have to fight this hard.
Longing.
Because I know what is past the river.
Embarrassed.
Because I'm not what I should be.
Judged.
Because no one can relate.
Damaged.
Because the injuries are not only physical, but emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Disappointing.
Because you deserve better than this
Betrayed.
Because even my angels are scared.
Horrible.
Because they love me and this breaks their hearts.
Blamed.
Because they think I'm either whining or fine.
Vulnerable.
Because I am at the mercy of everything and everyone. Every moment of every day.
Tiny.
Because this is huge.
Yearning.
Because I know where there's rest.
Aching.
Because I need him here.
Angry.
Because I won't see the deepest desires of my heart.
Nauseous.
Because this is just wrong. It's disgusting. It's inhumane.
Silenced.
Because no one hears my cries in the middle of the night.
Suffocated.
Because sometimes I can't even catch my breath.
Paralyzed.
Because the nights are so dark and the enemy is so strong.
Weak.
Because I'm out of strength.

Carried.
Because he promised.

*~*
L e t . . . u s . . . n e v e r . . . f o r g e t .
*~*

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”