no one can take this from me . . .

For years, I've struggled with a chronic illness that has led to many other conditions. I was determined to go to college to become a nurse so I could give back what so many nurses have given to me over the years. Last year, I was finally finishing up two strenuous years of hard sciences and gen-ed classes and was to work even harder as I began the nursing program I had worked so hard to get into. Two weeks into fall semester, I was in a car accident involving a newer driver who was playing with her car stereo. I spent two days in the hospital, unaware of how much worse my health would get over the new few months.

A few months ago, I made a huge choice regarding my worsening health and my progressing education. I wrestled with hundreds of thoughts, I became confused, I cried, I weighed my options. I sought the advice of a few physicians, and I discussed the situation and options with a professor who I knew wrestled with her own health problems and could relate to me.

Although it would have been easier to take a semester off to rest and recover, do what was best for my body, I knew that wouldn't be what would be best for my heart. See, after two and a half years of hard work, I was finally in the middle of my first year in the nursing program I worked so hard to get into, and I knew if I had to stop before even meeting my first patient, to get at least one chance to hold someone's hand, I might lose sight of the reason I'm doing this. My professor gently told me something I'd never forget. She said I should do what I knew would be best for my body - if I can't take care of myself, how could I ever take care of patients? But above all, and this is what I know I'll never forget... as a friend who shares a common bond with me... she told me to draw strength in knowing I'm a wounded healer. From her, I learned life as a wounded healer isn't easy, but it's a special quality that shouldn't be wasted or taken for granted.

That impacted me so much. I found new determination, even at my weakest point. I scheduled for spring and decided I was going to do whatever it took to pursue my dream of helping others at their weakest points. I had to drop two classes because my strength and energy were so low and my pain was so high, but I kept going, doing my very best and making the most out of all of the opportunities I could find. When I wasn't in class, I was at home on pain meds, sleeping, setting two or three alarms so I would be sure to wake up and have time to study. I sacrificed so much to remain in the two classes I did, and I don't regret it at all. As I had hoped, learning so much and being with so many patients gave me renewed resolve and rekindled my passion for the beautiful art of nursing. I gave every bit of my body and soul to do this, and I can't help but worry that I might lose it all...

Over the course of this intense semester, I had to miss two labs due to illness, and a third because a few simple x-rays gave me two life-threatening diagnoses which required me to accept the only free appointment time my Cleveland Clinic specialist had until July. And let's not even mention how I forced myself to go to class after I spent a weekend in the emergency room with an awful case of the flu. For the absences, however, I immediately did all the required makeup work and whatever else I could do to be responsible and professional about the situation. I did worksheets, attended open lab, attended another professor's labs on separate days... I really went out of my way to make sure my learning was not compromised and my dedication was obvious. But for some reason, it seems my professors and the department head have been giving me the run around, all because the syllabus, for the most part, prohibits absences. (Meanwhile, the University policy is based upon excused and unexcused absences, and of course, all of mine are excused since I have valid physician notes.)

So, while I wait for the answer and hope for the best...

I must remember that I refuse to regret my decision to pursue this semester with everything I had within me. I respectfully refuse to let three unavoidable absences stand in my way of successfully completing this semester with the grade that I earned by sacrificing so much. I am determined to do whatever is necessary to successfully continue on my path to sharing my smile and heart with others.

While I respect the fact that syllabi are in place to set regulations for all of our own good, I think every situation is different and sometimes exceptions to rules are truly warranted.

And so I wait...

Meanwhile, I can't wait for summer. Although I'll miss my patients, my nerves are about shot from this year and I desperately need a break. These sunny days have never looked so beautiful to me!