Back to December

We love Taylor Swift around here, and her new video dropped today.  It's amazing.  "Back to December" is one of my favorite songs on the album, so I was excited to see it released.  (Here's hoping "Dear John," my other favorite, is next!)  Taylor's style is really maturing, and this video definitely showcases that.  Make sure you stay tuned to 1:50 (my favorite part) because I've been at that moment so many times.  I think the world loves Taylor because her songs remind us of ourselves.  I really think everyone, at some point in their lives, has been able to relate to the majority of her songs.  I love that.  I can't wait to see her a second time this summer!  :)


I'm so glad you made time to see me. 
How's life, tell me how's your family? 
I haven't seen them in a while. 
You've been good, busier then ever. 
We small talk, work and the weather 
Your guard is up and I know why. 
Cause the last time you saw me 
Is still burned in the back of your mind. 
You gave me roses and I left them there to die. 

So this is me swallowing my pride, 
Standing in front of you 
saying I'm sorry for that night, 
And I go back to December all the time. 
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, 
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine. 
I go back to December, turn around and make it all right. 
I go back to December all the time. 

These days I haven't been sleeping 
Staying up playing back myself leaving, 
When your birthday passed and I didn't call. 
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times 
I watched you laughing from the passenger side 
Realized that I loved you in the fall. 
Then the cold came, the dark days 
when fear crept into my mind. 
You gave me all your love 
and all I gave you was goodbye. 

So this is me swallowing my pride, 
Standing in front of you 
saying I'm sorry for that night, 
And I go back to December all the time. 
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, 
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine. 
I go back to December, turn around and make it all right. 
I go back to December all the time. 
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, 
so good to me, so right, 
And how you held me in your arms that September night, 
The first time you ever saw me cry. 
Maybe this is wishful thinking, 
Probably mindless dreaming 
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right. 

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't 
So if the chain is on your door, I understand. 

So this is me swallowing my pride, 
Standing in front of you 
saying I'm sorry for that night, 
And I go back to December all the time. 
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, 
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine. 
I go back to December, turn around and make it all right. 
I go back to December all the time. 
All the time

A Year in Review :: 2010

Another year of the tradition!  What a year!  Here we go... 

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Ended an engagement.  Received a liver transplant.  (Almost 4 months ago to the day!) Recovered from nearly 12 straight months of hell. 

2. What are your New Years Resolutions? To always follow my heart, fight through life's obstacles harder than ever before, and be at peace with myself and others

3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009? No

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, which is a good thing as I'm still missing my precious Nana every single day of my life (See my posts from January and February, 2009)

5. What countries did you visit? Unless the Magic Kingdom counts, I stayed in the USA! Hoping for Ireland in Spring 2011

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Peace in my heart, a relationship with the family who donated their son's liver to me

7. What date(s) in 2010 will remain etched in your memory and why? Saturday, January 30, 2010 - Breaking off 6 years of love and 2.5 years of an engagement, followed by a panic attack of epic proportions

Tuesday, May 25, 2010, 11pm - Finding out my diseased liver held a tumor

Monday, June 14, 2010 - Being listed on the UNOS waiting list for a liver transplant Sunday, August 14, 2010 - Watching so many people come out and support me and organ transplantation at the LifeBanc Gift of Life Walk and Run

Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 1:30am - Receiving a call from the Cleveland Clinic saying my new liver had been found

Monday, November 1, 2010 - Meeting Carrie Underwood with my baby sister.  Plus, bing in the 4th row of her concert was a surreal experience.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Enduring chemotherapy (chemoembolization) as well as getting through the first 3 months following my liver transplant, being inducted into Sigma Theta Tau, the International Nursing Honors Society, being published in the American Journal of Nursing

9. What was your biggest failure of 2010? Letting emotions, fears, and suffering get the best of me

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury? My 17th year with Primary sclerosing cholangitis,  my 2nd year with fibromyalgia, being diagnosed with a tumor on my liver, and receiving a liver transplant

11. What was the best thing someone bought you? Money can't buy happiness.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom's.  She's stronger than anyone I know.

13. Whose behavior appalled and depressed you? I don't believe in public humiliation.

14. Where did most of your money go? Smaller clothes - once after I lost a ton of weight after my breakup then a second time after my transplant.  Gadgets.  Coach bags.  Sephora.  Amazon. Pedicures!

15. What did you get really, really excited about? 2 Carrie Underwood concerts, meeting her (see #7), and Lilith Fair in Summer, 2010!  Going to DISNEY WORLD in May.  Being inducted into STTI! (See #8), Being published in the AJN! (See #8)

16. What song(s) reminds you of 2009? Lots.  One is Dear John by Taylor Swift

17. Compared to last year are you... 

a.) Happier or Sadder? Happier  

b.) Thinner or Fatter? Thinner 

c.) Richer or Poorer? No idea

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Relax

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worry - you can't change anything by worrying!

20. How did you spend Christmas? With my family and closest friends - what more can you ask for on Christmas?  Total bliss.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? No.

22. How many one night stands did you have? Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's Anatomy, seriously!  I also got hooked on Dancing With The Stars and continued to watch One Tree Hill, Private Practice, and the Office.  My sister and I watch Hellcats every week, too.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't this time last year? Yes, but I'm working on overcoming it.

25. What was the best book you read? I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith, A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, Lift by Kelly Corrigan

26. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? I turned 23, and my closest friends and wonderful family all gathered at Bravo! Cucina to celebrate with me.

27. What was your best musical discovery? Pandora internet radio on my Roku box!  Paradise in my bedroom!

28. What did you want and get? More time with friends and family.  

29. What was your favorite film of the year? I love all kinds of movies!  I don't know.  Probably a drama, possibly a chick flick.

30. What did you want and not get? Health

31. What one thing would've made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Graduating, getting married, something big like that.  But on the other hand, let it be.

32. How would you describe your fashion concept for 2010? If you asked my sister, she'd definitely say leggings.  I love leggings, skinny jeans, and flats, but leggings probably win.  I'm also on a headband kick at the moment.  

33. What kept you sane? My friends, family (especially my mom), and precious Lord

34. Which celebrity or public figure did you admire most? Sarah Palin

35. What political issue stirred you most? Healthcare 

36. Who/what do you miss? My Nana, also having someone beside me every day, someone to stay until I fell asleep.  I definitely miss it all.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Re-meeting a few special friends at my 5 year High School Reunion, meeting my cousin's fiance's sister, seeing everyone come out and support me at the LifeBanc Walk/Run this summer - even strangers.  Also, my new friends at TRIO (Transplant Recipients International Organization)

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned. Never take a moment for granted.  Not one single moment, not one gesture, not one breath.  You never know when you'll lose your ability to climb into your own bed, breathe without pain, or fall asleep alone.  You never know when someone will turn, a situation will change, or your life will be taken away.

39. Quote a song line that defines your year. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?  I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now 

A prayer for the New Year

Dear Lord, we thank you for this past year.  We thank you for bringing us through the trials and gracing our days with blessings.  Your grace was evident in every situation, your hand on every moment.  Guide us in this new year.  Let us love you more each day and remember to put our trust in you.  Give us courage, peace, and humility.  We love you.  Amen. 

Psalm 107.1: Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His love endures forever.

Meeting Carrie Underwood (& Her Amazing Concert!)

When Nikki & I saw Carrie in Pittsburgh last spring, we did so because her Cleveland tour date had been cancelled.  Months after the really amazing Pittsburgh concert, we found out she had added a 2nd leg to the tour, and Cleveland was added back in.  We knew we had to go.


I am in Carrie's online fan club because fan club members get pre-orders on the tickets, and just as I got floor seats for Pittsburgh, I had the opportunity again for Cleveland.  This time, we were fourth row, center!


I was so worried my transplant wouldn't happen early enough for me to be up to going to this event.  Thankfully, I had it just in time, and this concert marked my 8-week anniversary of the new liver inside of me.  The night was exhausting, but so worth it.


A week ago from Thursday, I got an email at 10 or 11pm saying I won a drawing in the fan club, and I was selected to attend Carrie's Meet & Greet before the concert.  Little did I know that Nikki had been working relentlessly for weeks, calling agents and producers and labels everywhere from Nashville to LA to the venue... all trying to get me to meet Carrie.  She knew how much it would mean to me.  So when I got this email, whether she had anything do with it, we will never know, but I will say that I was so excited I couldn't even sleep.  My heart was breaking though, because it said one per person, non-transferable and I wanted my sister to meet Carrie, too.


Finally when we got there on the chilly Ohio night, we went to the box office and asked for my special Meet & Greet pass.  They gave it to me and directed us to a lady to talk to about getting Nikki let in.  We explained how I had just had a liver transplant and asked if she could accompany me just in case anything happened.  We were directed to a few different people, and finally, Mina, the sweet girl we later found was Carrie's personal assistant, okay'ed is in.  "I'd rather you be with her than without her," she said with a smile.  We waited and waited and finally walked up a staircase into what looked like a balcony room.  There was a set up with a background and couple of decorations, and Carrie, armed with bodyguards, took her place in front of the background.  Somehow the line got turned around, and we were first.


For some reason or another, I was so nervous.  Even though we were only allowed to bring one thing to autograph, Carrie signed both a CD cover and the concert tour book for me.  Then we smiled for a picture, which Mina took.  Then I introduced her to Nikki who had a picture I took at the last concert as well as another tour book for her to sign.  She was so sweet and didn't say much except Hi, How are you, and explaining how she thought she should have a deal with Sharpies because her silver sparkle Sharpies only worked half the time.  She was sweet, but definitely not one to hold up a long conversation.  So we thanked her, and out we went.  Security pretty much drug us out while we were just trying to pick up our bags - it was a little insane.  We went down to the concert, showed the usher our tickets, and pretty much had a few moments of breathlessness when we saw where our seats were.  4th row sounds close, but being there, it sounded even closer.  We sat, anxious for 40-50 minutes until the concert finally began!


Here we are with Carrie, as well as some of the things she signed for us.  The black & white photo she signed was one I personally took last April.  She loved it.  :)

Sons of Sylvia are still opening for Carrie, and we're not fans.  At all.  But they can be cute, so it works.

Next, Billy Currington did a set.  He wasn't on the Pittsburgh tour, so it was good to see him for the first time.  I like a few of his songs, and who can resist his blue eyes??

Then, the arena went black, and the music to "Cowboy Cassanova," started blaring.  Carrie came up on a moving riser and did her thing.  With video and still cameras out, we went to work making memories of our amazing evening.  (And all while joining the thousands there and singing every last word of every song, may I add.  Okay, wait, that was me, not my "too cool" sister!  lol)


Carrie is a beautiful singer and puts on a great show. We've seen her twice now and have no complaints.   Her show is just perfect.  I liked how in this show, she had a couple different outfits/costumes than the first time we saw her.  (Costumes fascinate me - like Dancing with the Stars, who makes all those?  In 1 week?!  Insane!)


Anyways... without further ado...  Enjoy!!

Cowboy Cassanova

Country Roads, Take Me Home

Undo It

Jesus Take the Wheel

How Great Thou Art

Duet with Sons of Sylvia

I Told You So

Mama's Song

Songs Like This

These are just my highlights, for all of my concert videos, go to my YouTube playlist, and for all of my concert photos - from this and last year, go to my Flickr set! :)

Taylor Swift for my sister

...because Taylor makes her happy (after all, they were born on the very same day in the very same month in the very same year!) and Nikki-Nik had a long day. :)


Okay fine, and the lyrics from her new single are for me... even though I honestly am glad I am free of the subject in question.  I wish I would have lost a guy like that.  Oh well.  I hope there's not a next time to tell!





I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends, and her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not what you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream where I stand and say

Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now

Fun gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me, you wish it was me
Don’t you?

Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now

I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace
There’s the silence, there’s my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I’m only looking at you

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now

And you say lets run away now
I’ll meet when I’m out of my tux at the backdoor
Baby I didn’t say my vows, so glad you were around
When they said ‘Speak now’


Right.  Hope someone out there has a guy worth trying to save.  I don't.  But back to Taylor... more for my sister who is far away at big-girl college tonight, missing her big sis I'm sure. ;-)





And this?  Carrie Underwood is a-mazing.  So this is because I want to put this up again.  I really, really mean every single word this time (ahem).  And, just so ya know, this song was a-mazing in concert and I'm hearing it live again in November with said baby sister.  :)