The softest things in the world
May be harder than the hardest.
Soft water can go through the strongest wall.
Knowing this, I know the value of calm.
Knowing this, I know the value of patience.
Knowing ths, I know the value of persistence.
. . . . . . . . . . . .Lao Tzu . . . . . . . . . . . .
Most days, I'm trying to practice the calm, while every day, I pray to God for patience and watch as it takes me through, and every day I wake up with persistence - a firm belief that I will do a anything in my power to make this a great day, to make healthy choices, and accept the things I cannot change.
This persisting thing can get pretty tricky, but if you want to keep your soul, heart, mind, or body, you have to keep your guard up and fight to protect it all. Do whatever it takes, you know?
Life's been rough lately. Finals just ended (I think I got an A in all 3 classes! Awesome for the GPA!) And now, everything in the world is going on plus now, big news, the possibility of starting clinicals in the fall (after a year long hiatus!)
Today I'm going to see Dr. Mazanec, a new doctor (just what I need, right?) who is supposedly the best doctor up at Cleveland Clinic for my specific back problems. Yes, I have my pain management doctor, but over time, it seems to be getting worse. I'd like to just get it better so "pain management" (muscle relaxers and opiods, trying to schedule physical therapy in around school) isn't needed AS much, because right now, it's out of control. My doctor does a great job at giving me the tools to manage the pain, but how about just getting rid of the pain? Well we'll see what the doctor says tomorrow. Then I have an ultrasound because of a big spot on my kidney that they "accidentally" found while doing liver scans. My specialist thinks it's a shadow, but we're going to check to make sure. Then I'm secretly hoping inside we'll have time between the two appointments to get lunch at the cafeteria! Cleveland Clinic has great food, or at least as far as I'm concerned. Oh, and their cookies are to die for!! (Make a mental note in case you're ever there!)
Looking ahead, especially if the clinicals work out, I have not the faintest clue of how I'm going to keep seeing all of my doctors since for one, they're all an hour away, and for two, I'll be in classes, clinicals, and nannying the other days. Plus add in things like massotherapy, physical therapy, and - starting on Friday - acupuncture. I know MY health comes first if I ever want to be a nurse, so I'm determined to take the best care of me while still being up to taking my nursing courses. I think that's easier said than done, but I miss my patients all the time so my heart knows where it needs to be. I just need practicality and logic to catch up with that heart. :) I have big dreams, people, and just because I have more diseases than you have fingers, that doesn't mean I won't achieve them. Might take me longer, and I might work harder than most, but I'll get there. You watch.
This week is a ton of crammed-in plans and events and appointments and then Monday evening begins my Genetics course and 2 online courses (am I trying to kill myself again?) plus whatever nursing I can squeeze into my schedule at this point. (But for sure, for sure clinical for 2nd half of semester.) But back to Genetics... I've been putting it off so long that I decided to make myself take it. I'm not excited about it at all, especially since it's an evening class. Yuck. All by Monday, I'm getting books for Nikki and I, organizing parking, schedules, all that fun stuff, AND I'm trying (semi-successfully) to remember to take my meds, get my rest, and try not to get stressed. (Stress = muscles tighten = back hurts BAD. I currently have something in my neck and haven't been able to move it to the left for 3 days now!)
Craaaaaziness! Thankfully my mom is awesome and is so excited about me going back to clinicals. She promised she'd help me with anything I need which helps so much because right now my room is a disaster, I've needed to do laundry for a few weeks now, I need to change the sheets on my bed.... you know, just little stuff that busy people can't seem to ever fit in.
So I'm busy, but blessed.
God give us patience today. Give us calm. Give us persistence. We'll keep on going even though the path looks cloudy up ahead.
Be blessed.
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