Where did I hear it...
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Life's been changing so much lately, but I'm learning that the people who love us, the things we love, what makes us who we are... some things manage to stay constant even though time keeps on marching and life shows us it had some different plans than we originally intended. Constancy... even during those times when life doesn't feel the least bit constant, consistent or even logical.
My life right now feels insane. I'm up to my neck in back-to-school. My baby sister is gone 3 days/week at college, and since I spend Thursdays at Nicole's (to be closer to my clinical site), I spend 4 nights away from her. I especially "strongly dislike" clinicals since honestly, they insult my intelligence and feel like a waste of time (more on that later). My new-since-July nanny family is so special, and the new baby is just as precious as ever. I'm facing a big and scary (yet opportunity-packed) summer. I've met up with a hugely significant financial blessing. I'm loving my new laptop. Life's been mutually too busy to catch up with some of my most precious friends while oddly enough, I've gotten closer to others. The seasons are changing. Everyone's growing up. (My little guys, my baby furbaby, and everyone else.) A new medication is driving me insane, while another is making me much more comfortable. New relationships are here, both as friendships in my life and well, a serious relationship in the life of a friend... one that challenges my morals and and rips open my heart, yet reminds me of my need to be supportive. Grey's Anatomy is back. Important lessons are settling in while others are presenting as challenges. Holidays are approaching, and my Nana is becoming increasingly far away every single day.
Life's just, well, happening.
Seconds fly by, and days become months.
Bittersweet. Precious. Earth-shattering. Happy. Sad. Confusing. Obvious. Blessed. Cursed. Grateful. Afraid. Something to shout about. Something to scream about. Up. Down. Repeat.
Fall is my favorite season, which is surprising since I am probably one who hates change the most. Each year, I become more and more aware that autumn is change, and each year, change becomes increasingly evident. Time flies by faster and faster every moment and I, exasperated, finally give in, frustrated by my inability to stop it. Yet other times, I yearn for the future. Like when I will finally have a degree. When life will slow down. (Or won't it ever?) When I can wake up each morning with Jonathan by my side. When instead of being infatuated by the newness and innocence of my four-week-old nanny baby, I can sit and stare at my own baby girl as her entire self rises and falls with each tiny breath she breathes, while she sighs and smiles in her sleep. When I can see my Nana again. When life will finally give me a moment to breathe.
Or wait a minute... breathing? Isn't that what feels so unbelievably inachievable and impossible at times, that thing I forget I'm even doing it until I realize I couldn't stop if I tried?
I told you this life's miraculous, and I'll remind you how crazy it is. But I guess it just wouldn't be the same if it wasn't.
1 comment:
Not to start a major controversial topic here, but if I were to clone any one thing it would be the prototype of a perfect instructor and there would be plenty of them to go around so that those of us who live in areas where they’re sparse wouldn’t have to suffer!
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