awake...

love never fails * brandon heath

These days, it seems that the nights get longer and longer. Tossing and turning, unable to ease my troubled heart.

Throughout the day, I fight a myriad of longings. My heart releases so many emotions, and my mind struggles to process them all. Finally, late at night, when I'm all too aware of the sleeping world outside, I force myself to find rest. I lay down and try to succumb to my sheer exhaustion. However, rest is too simple a relief, a peace far too obtainable.

The small secret place deep inside is keenly aware of my efforts. Breaking the silence, it propels an eruption of emotions uniquely related to the deepest aches of the soul. The whispers grow louder until violent sobs drown them out.

How I wish I could cry myself to sleep, such an easy feat not long ago... Now? Just another gift I cannot obtain.

Instead, anguish harshly penetrates the darkness as I miss what I've never even known. What I won't love. What I don't know. What I can't experience. What I can only know in the deepest dreams of my being.

What I may just have to learn to live without.

God, grant me strength... I want to scream "I can't do this," over and over and over again, but what would that accomplish? I know that Your promises offer so much more than that, than this.
It's 4am, once again... and once again, I'm hurting and alone.
Bring your angels and your sweet, sweet peace.